Top 10 Mother-Son Duos of All Time with Cheri

As a way-too early Mother's Day gift, Teddy welcomes his mom Cheri onto the podcast to celebrate the top ten mother-son duos of all time. Topics covered include Marc Chagall's bizarre obsession with his mother's "rubbery legs," the highly controversial Barbra Streisand-Will Smith debate of 2009, and the magical mother-son audio clip that makes Teddy's manhood shrivel up and fly away, never to return.

CHERI'S RANKINGS

10. Marc Chagall & his mother
9. Aladdin & Ma
8. Ma & Jack, Room
7. Angela Lansbury & Lawrence Harvey, The Manchurian Candidate
6. Gertrude & Hamlet
5. Cher & Chaz Bono
4. Barbra Streisand & Jason Gould
3. Gloria Vanderbilt & Anderson Cooper
2. Cheri & Teddy Steinkellner
1. Jesus & Mary/Mother & Son from I'll Love You Forever

TEDDY'S RANKINGS

10. Mike Pence & his wife
9. The Giving Tree & Boy, The Giving Tree
8. Alex Portnoy & Mother, Portnoy's Complaint
7. Barbra Streisand & Seth Rogen, The Guilt Trip
6. Eva & Kevin Khatchadourian, We Need to Talk About Kevin
5. Ma & Jack, Room
4. Cheri & Teddy Steinkellner
3. Mother & Son from I'll Love You Forever
2. Norman & Norma Bates
1. Oedipus Rex & Jocasta

Top 10 Fictional Basketball Players with Jake

In honor of March Madness and the upcoming NBA playoffs, Teddy and his best friend/best man Jake count down the top ten fictional basketball players of all-time. Discussions include the "I score, you strip" trope in modern hoops cinema, LeBron's desperate, childlike need for attention, and the sad and mysterious disappearance of Wayne Knight.

JAKE'S RANKINGS

10. Quincy McCall (Love & Basketball) - Omar Epps
9. Nate Wilson (Eddie) - John Salley
8. Billy Hoyle (White Men Can't Jump) - Woody Harrelson
7. Calvin Cambridge (Like Mike) - Lil Bow Wow
6. Lewis Scott (Celtic Pride) - Damon Wayans
5. Jesus Shuttlesworth (He Got Game) - Ray Allen
4. Pound the Monstar (Space Jam) - Darnell Suttles
3. Neon Boudeux (Blue Chips) - Shaquille O'Neal
2. Teen Wolf/Scott Howard (Teen Wolf) - Michael J. Fox
1. Elliot Richards (Bedazzled) - Brendan Fraser

TEDDY'S RANKINGS

10. Chubby (Teen Wolf) - Mark Holton
9. Jake Shuttlesworth (He Got Game) - Denzel Washington
8. Moses Guthrie (The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh) - Dr. J
7. Blanko the Monstar (Space Jam) - Steve Kehela
6. Heidi and Heather Burge (Double Teamed) - Annie McElwain and Poppi Monroe
5. Frequency Vibrations (NBA 2k16)
4. Ricky Roe (Blue Chips) - Matt Nover
3. Takashi (NBA Street)
2. Billy Hoyle (White Men Can't Jump) - Woody Harrelson
1. The "you ain't Charles Barkley" girl (Space Jam) - Nicky McCrimmon
 

Top 8 Annoying Things People do on Instagram with Courtney

Teddy welcomes on fiancée and fellow judger of social media behavior, Courtney, for a candid discussion of the top eight annoying things people do on Instagram. Topics include: the political urgency of the tiny finger hand movement, the Oedipal compulsion that many millennials have to post photos of their parents as young sexy people, and Court and Ted's Woodward-and-Bernstein-like investigation into the shocking truth about essential oils.

COURTNEY'S RANKINGS

8. A caption musing about life which is really just so you can post a bathing suit selfie
7. Bad quality photos (thumb in the corner)
6. A Boomerang of clinking glasses
5. Problem sponsorships (Flat Tummy Tea, Sugar Bear Hair, morning sickness pills)
4. Palm trees against an LA sky ("Sky Guys")
3. Swipes that are basically just the same photo three times
2. THIS. MAN. IS. A. FEMINIST. pics
1. Tagging your clothing brands when you're not a fashion blogger

TEDDY'S RANKINGS

8. Hefe
7. Peer pressuring others into doing their civic duty ("I voted" stickers)
6. When animal accounts become too aware of their own celebrity
5. #tbts as a backdoor into self-bragging
4. When people post a #tbt of their young, sexy parents
3. THIS. MAN. IS. A. FEMINIST. pics
2. Essential oils
1. Making yourself part of someone else's death narrative

Top 10 Debut Performances with Emma

To celebrate the premiere episode of New Rankings, Teddy welcomes little sister Emma on to debate the top ten debut performances across music, film, and life itself. Topics discussed include: Emma's newfound passion for pick-up artistry, the trouble with Graham crackers and little boys, and Teddy's theory that Susan Boyle could win an Oscar if only given the chance.

EMMA'S RANKINGS

10. Bruno Mars as Little Elvis, Honeymoon in Vegas
9. "Oklahoma!", the first narrative musical
8. Pilot episode of Jem and the Holograms
7. Pilot episode of The Facts of Life
6. First episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show
5. "Rapper's Delight" by the Sugarhill Gang
4. Baby Mozart, "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"
3. ABBA on EuroVision
2. Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent!
1. The Graham cracker


 

TEDDY'S RANKINGS

10. Jean-Claude Van Damme in Breakin'
9. Michael Jackson, the first time he displayed talent
8. The guitar kid from Deliverance
7. Toddler Mozart, "Minuet"
6. Quvenzhané Wallis, Beasts of the Southern Wild
5. Lindsay Lohan, The Parent Trap
4. Sarah Palin, the 2008 election
3. Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird
2. Teddy Steinkellner, New Rankings with Teddy!
1. Susan Boyle, Britain's Got Talent!