The Fifth Annual Teddies! A Proud Legacy of Meaningless Movie Awards

The Fifth Annual Teddies! A Proud Legacy of Meaningless Movie Awards

Hi, Annual Blog Visitors!

I don’t know how many movies I saw this year, but it was way too many. If a baseball player hit a homer for every movie I saw, I'm guessing he’d now be suspended for steroids and his down-there parts would resemble two blueberries.

I’m very proud of myself.

Now that I've wasted all those hours of my youth, it’s time to write the only blog post I write every year, in which I hand out arbitrary awards to random films and repeatedly attempt to work through my irrational obsession with John Travolta’s perfectly smooth face. Let's go!

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The Fourth Annual Teddies! My Awards for Arbitrary Achievement in Film

The Fourth Annual Teddies! My Awards for Arbitrary Achievement in Film

Hi Icee Connoisseurs,

It's officially Oscar season, which can only mean one thing -- mass outrage! Why are all the nominees white? Where's the love for Star Wars? And am I the only one who remembers Channing Tatum's stirring turn as "Dog Person" in Jupiter Ascending?!?

We obviously can't expect the Academy voters to get these things right -- I mean, most of them are dead. Luckily, however, there exists a set of movie awards more prestigious than the Oscars, more drunken than the Golden Globes, more slimetacular than the Kids' Choice Awards...

I give you... the Fourth Annual Teddies...

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"Tough Guy" Teddy Takes on Tucson: A Literary Photojournal

"Tough Guy" Teddy Takes on Tucson: A Literary Photojournal

Hi, desert dwellers!

This past weekend I had the distinct privilege of attending the phenomenal Tucson Festival of Books, and also I learned how to spell Tucson! 

As you can guess, it was a banner weekend, filled with enlightening panels, hilarious improv games with kids, jaw-dropping sunsets, and me stealing Joyce Carol Oates' chair only one time. But enough chit-chat about the nation's fourth-largest book festival... let me show you the nation's fourth-largest book festival -- in spectacular Disney Digital 3D! (By which I mean photos from my phone. Okay, on to the pics.)

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The Second Annual Teddies! More Awards for Arbitrary Achievement in Film

The Second Annual Teddies! More Awards for Arbitrary Achievement in Film

Hi, Popcorn Poppers!

I see nearly every movie that comes out in theaters. Even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones. 

And every year I watch the Oscars. And yeah, they sometimes get the awards right, like the time that sound mixing guy won for the thing, but mostly, as we all know, the Oscars are fraudulent and sad -- sadder even than Sad Jaden Smith. 

And so, for the second year in a row, I have decided to award my own Oscars for the past year in film. Yes, the categories are mostly super-random. Yes, this post is almost as long as The Wolf of Wall Street. Yes, I am absolutely infallible in everything I'm about to say. Let's go!

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Trash Can Nights COVER REVEAL!!!!!

Trash Can Nights COVER REVEAL!!!!!

Hi, Literate Humans!

It is Monday, December 9th, which means that my second-ever novel comes out in exactly 7 months and 6 days, and everybody knows that when your second-ever novel is coming out in exactly 7 months and 6 days, that it's time for one thing...

A GOOD OLE FASHIONED COVER REVEALIN' HOOTENNANY CELEBRATION!!!!

Below, feast your eyes upon the otherworldly cover to my second book, the sequel to Trash Can Days: A Middle School Saga, a book that is entitled, appropriately enough, Trash Can Nights: The Saga Continues.... Then, once you're done doing that (should only take a few hours), keep on reading for a synopsis of the book as well as my thoughts on the cover. Yeah!

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TRASH CAN DAYS - Photo Journal of my L.A. Launch

TRASH CAN DAYS - Photo Journal of my L.A. Launch

Hi, Launchpad McQuacks!

First things first -- my book is finally out! If you would like to buy it, go herehere, or here.   If you would like to buy it and you're British, go here. If you would like to read only the first couple chapters of my book and then pretend like you've read it by quoting only the first couple of chapters, then go here!

And if you missed the launch party of my book at Once Upon a Time Bookstore in Montrose but you want to feel like you were there, then, well... you've come to the right place! The following pictures are from my first-ever book signing, plus a few other recent Trash Can Days-related photos that I couldn't resist including. 

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Teddy's Summer Movie Roundup!

Teddy's Summer Movie Roundup!

Hello, Popcorn Enthusiasts!

So as I kill time this summer waiting for my book to come out (August 20th, people! This is happening.), I find myself going to the movies a lot. And thinking about movies a lot. And mumbling to myself incoherently about movies a lot.

And, well, I've decided to stop doing that last one. So instead of randomly whispering things to myself such as, "Gosh, that Jaden Smith sure seems sad," I'm posting all of my Summer 2013 movie thoughts on this here blog!

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BRACKETOLOGY: Ranking the All-Time Best Literary Lovers

BRACKETOLOGY: Ranking the All-Time Best Literary Lovers

Hello, Lovers!

Today is February 14th, Valentine's Day. It is a time to honor not just your own Sweet Baboo, or the greeting card company billionaire geniuses who created this day, but really, it's a time to celebrate all who have ever loved.

And, in particular, let's celebrate the characters from books who taught us about love. Even though "books" are going extinct in like two years, I think we can all agree that virtually all of history's greatest romances (except for Justin & Kelly) have come from the world of literature.


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The NEXT BIG THING Blog Hop!

The NEXT BIG THING Blog Hop!

Hi, Literate Folk!

The Next Big Thing Blog Hop is a series of blog posts in which an author answers ten questions about his or her upcoming book while simultaneously tagging other authors who then take to the Internet to answer the same ten questions about their own books.

It's not unlike a chain email. *~*~*~*PASS THIS POST ALONG TO TEN FRIENDLY ACQUAINTANCES BY MIDNIGHT OR ELSE YOU WILL GET LEPROSY. *~*~*~* ...But I digress.

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